As
the thought of life with 2 babies and a full-time job was taking shape
in my mind, I felt pressure enough to deliberately ask. I believed that
there really was a way, so I truly needed God to SHOW it to me. I was
going to have to ask and get the answer.
This may seem like a small step, but it took me a while to get here. What’s the saying? The pain of where you are has to overpower your fear of the unknown before you’ll change. This was happening. It
was a step of faith to pray this way. I mean, it was my own fault,
right? God could laugh in my face. And then if God were going to do
something, wouldn’t He have already done it? I felt I had nothing to
lose. I hadn’t really asked. “Ask and the door shall be opened to you.
Seek and you shall find.”
You
know how to do this, Lord. You have a way. It does not matter if it
looks absolutely impossible to me. It doesn’t matter if I see absolutely
no way for this to work.”
An
understanding of His grace as the basis for my relationship with Him,
too, helped me through: “It doesn’t matter if I don’t deserve it. It
doesn’t matter if I got myself into this mess. You have a way out, and
You are willing to lead me there by your grace!”
It
was now summer break before I would return to teaching and have my
daughter a few months later. I was deep in the thick of desire: hoping
and asking.
It
makes sense that the next phase of this process would be “finding.”
After you ask, you’d hope that the scripture would prove true: “Ask and
the door will be opened; seek and you shall find.”
It
all broke loose when I stumbled upon the scripture: “He makes the
barren woman to keep house as a happy mother of children!” What?? The
barren woman!? Then how much more the one who already has 2
children! I cried and cried with joy. Now, you’d think such a simple
statement could not be life-altering, but I know that God’s character
is revealed in the scriptures, and he brings revelation by his spirit,
and this day, as I read this in desperation, He said to me, “Yes.” Not
only have you been correct to hope and ask, but I have already declared
yes. I have already made a way. This is Who I Am. This is What I Do.
It is My Job. I Will See You To It. The Answer is Yes.
It
took a few weeks for me to comprehend how to apply and walk out the
spiritual transaction that had transpired between us, but my heart was
abuzz with absolute knowledge that I had my answer. I didn’t have to
know what “I had to do.” I could rest that, “He establishes…He makes…”
